THE HOMEOPATHIC PROVING OF A SAMPLE FROM THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA

Time

Day 2 Prover 3
Time feels stretched out today- I seem to be wandering round in a bit of a daze and forgetting what I’m doing and thinking a lot of time has passed, but then I find out only 20 minutes have passed. I usually have a very good grip/grasp of time, so I feel a bit disorientated. I guess I feel a bit like I’m stoned, not necessarily a bad thing! Time seems to definitely be running strangely-even the TV thinks it’s an hour later. I was 9pm and the display on Sky said 8pm. Later…. I feel stoned, but also as if I’ve taken an amphetamine as my mind or consciousness seems to be working too fast for my body or for time.

Boundaries

Day 11 prover 3
Good mood shattered by arrival of P’s parents-they rang to say they were coming only about 2 minutes before they arrived. Her first words as P opened the door were “I’m coming in-I’m not being turned away this time”. Those were the first things I heard as I was still in bed. They bought an easter egg for C they know we don’t want C to have sweets + sugary crap for as long as we can. She and I had an argument. She feels that she doesn’t see C enough and blames me for that and also for not welcoming her into my home. I feel she doesn’t respect my boundaries. How dare she turn up at 9.30am on a bank holiday (our holiday!) and have a go at me in my own house in front of my child?!! She brought up old niggles/quarrels (bloody scorpio) and I finally told her she showed me (and P) a fundamental lack of respect.
Day 13
I enjoyed watching her play with some other children. She’s growing up so fast, every day takes her a step further away from me. She’s really working on her independence now and also testing boundaries. It’s challenging but rewarding.

Day 13 Prover 1
She’s very earthy. Capricorn. I love it. Maybe I just have problems in drawing boundaries with girlfriends and that I may well be attracted to parts of them, but that doesn’t constitute a relationship. But I never wanted a relationship anyway!

Violent-feeling words
killing, dying, death, evil, fighting, martial arts

Day 13 Prover 8
I’m still lacking excitement about Egypt. I got some going yesterday for a while but then I started thinking about P and Uni again and it died.
Day 18
The idea of going back to serving coffee in the dark hole of C****** kills me quite a lot inside each time I think about it. I don’t know what to do about it but something must be done-it can’t go back to how it was before I came- I get depressed just thinking about it!

Day 11 prover 9
Feeling buzzy and friendly. So much so, in terms of friendly I feel I could befriend Satan himself and stop him being such an evil beast to go skip in the meadows to pick flowers, if I wanted to.

Day 27 Prover 9
Come home, watch Kung Fu hustle after healthy organic food and talk till early morning.

Day 9 Prover 3
Had a really bad night-tossed + turned all night, fighting the covers. (felt too hot and the duvet was annoying me)
Day 19
My excitement over our first booking took a real battering. When I had the call from the client about the leak my first instinct was to blame P but I quickly realised that wouldn’t solve the problem and so could mention it to him but not get angry about it. I felt we could move away from our usual pattern of “battering each other with the problem” and move towards a solution
.
Day 2 Prover 4
Still feeling a bit woolly but fighting it.

Day 11 Prover 4 My parents turn up on the doorstep without any advance notice-the missed call on my mobile five minutes before doesn’t count. P and my mum kick off & my folks leave shortly after. I’m all in support of P’s point of view but I’m sick of being in the crossfire between these two, seems like everyone is shooting at me sometimes, I can’t take it any more – just sit there and let them get on with it. Big argument with P afterwards. F****** brilliant start to Easter.
Day 19
Rush out to get the veg shopping before heading up to Bristol for a seminar with Master He, Jing-Han. Have spent 5/6 hours practicing Martial Qigong. My legs have been shaking & have felt quite stoned after some of the exercises. It’s been really great-I’m going to sleep like the dead tonight.

Day 12 Prover 1
I settled it that I’d stay til 11 but meet up tomorrow after Kung Fu. As I drank more… I cared less….oh dear! I wrestle with TRUTH- what is it? I am fascinated and plagued at the same time by how simple decisions like these can change your life….albeit in a small way. I must have imagined and played out both scenarios of: going home and staying at F****** some 30-40 times over.
Day 22
The rest of the day I feel extremely depressed and think about suicide. Not that I’d actually do it, I just think about how it’d impact people. I sleep part of the day away, just so as I don’t have to be ‘present’.

Day 9 Prover 5
The trip to Auschwitz was longer than I expected and not easy to find as there seems to be some sort of reluctance to advertise the location although it is just outside the town. There was also no shops in the vicinity and the museum café was inadequate. All day I felt cold and hungry. Probably a good state to visit Auschwitz. I wanted to see more than we had time for. I found the exhibits fascinating although depressing. I hadn’t realised how many gypsies had been killed here as well as Jewish people. It is an extraordinary place and seeing it made it totally believable. I know some people say the holocaust never happened but they should first visit Auschwitz. I was afraid that it would be like a theme park but the visitors were respectful. I liked the way the museum had tried to give names and stories to the people who had been reduced to numbers in the camp.
Day 10
On Tuesday night I went out with a friend and we bitched all about the people we didn’t like at work and elsewhere. It actually felt good to be so spiteful. She is a lot more shameless about disliking people than I am. I usually try and find something positive about most people. She loves and hates with a vengeance.

Concrete.

Day 6 Prover 6
God I realize now how much I hate writing. It brings thoughts concretely in the material plane. I’m learning just how uncomfortable I am with concrete. I love thoughts and the abstract. Spirits, paranormal and supernatural ideas and realities. It’s the material world I’m still new to.

Day 9 Prover 8
Is it going to work with me and P and the distance or is it going to slowly collapse like scaffolding built on a bog?

Shapeless

Day 7 Prover 6
I want a better body. I’m sick of being shapeless! I want more and better definition. Funny how I’m starting with my physical body. I truly believe that’s what I want for my spiritual and emotional bodies as well.

Lack of Self control/Lack of Motivation

Day 5
Prover 5 I feel like I am eating too many sweet things like cakes and biscuits.
Day 17
During the course of this remedy I am aware I have been eating things that are not good for me like bread and cheese. In Poland I seemed to be eating bread all the time. I want to eat it but when I do I feel sluggish afterwards.

Day 9 prover 8
In fact my self-control in general has been rather shoddy. I’ve been smoking more, eating more sugar and fatty crap missing cancelling more work and just generally losing interest in what’s happening around me. I’m so stuck worrying about the future I’m having trouble focusing in the present and I’m struggling to break the cycle.

Day 1 Prover 3
I feel a bit spaces out, like I can’t be bothered with anything that I normally find important, like C’s bedtime routine which went off course this evening.
Day 2
Very unmotivated to do any yoga or sit ups or anything, or even ring my supervisor. I’ll call her tomorrow.
Day 5
I’d made a decision not to have wheat or chocolate this weekend + F turns up with both! A lovely gesture but now I feel a bit sabotaged. Of course I had loads and now feel bloated and gluttonas.
Day 12
Ate loads of Easter Egg chocolate to the point that I felt sick!
Day 16
I went to yoga for the 1st time for a few weeks (course had finished and started again today). I have been lazy and not done any practice at home.

Day 2 Prover 4
Am. Want munchies; cakes, choc etc. Forgot it was my appraisal today fortunately someone reminded me before it was too late. Went rather well!
Day 3
Been running behind with my journal, am rather apathetic about it all. When can I finish writing all this stuff up?
Day 4
Home early, finding it difficult to be motivated to sort dinner out.
Day 5
Only writing journal up every couple of days at best. Finding it dif
ficult to be bothered to do it. Eaten too much cake.
Day 8
Falling behind with the journal. Don’t feel very motivated to get it done. Don’t have the time.

Flood/ sad

Day 8 Prover 6
A well of sadness keeps threatening to flood the great joy I’ve started to grow accustomed to.

Day 10 prover 8
I’m managing prolonged periods of optimism about the whole thing but I then get mugged by sad and I just can’t seem to shake it off.

Day 23 Prover 1
Really low day today. Very depressed. I do some gardening as that always cheers me up. Feeling exhausted emotionally and painstakingly futile. Fed up. Despair. Depressed. How much longer/when will this ‘stage’ of my life end? Don’t go out anywhere the entire day. Vegetate for hours in front of PC. Spoke about my despair to P which helped. She was a welcome listening and compassionate ear.

Flat

Day 5 Prover 8
My car battery was dead when I got back as I’d left my lights on all day. I then got really angry at the fact that I couldn’t get hold of P and in short it all ended in tears.
Day 13 I’m feeling really low energy and pessimistic at the moment, quite irritable too, compared to usual. Highly strung maybe.

Desecrated, violated

Day 13 Prover 9
Go to work. Last week the holy place called the white spring was desecrated, so today I cleared it up for the 5 days I was away. I cleared it all up. The people who did it left human shit in the fairie portal (my little project). I cleared it up, redid the display (wood, bark, stones, rocks, branches and other things) lit loads of candles that were tall then lit up the other shrine and played my tin whistle.

Day 2 Prover 1
Worked in the shop today and received some bad news. J*** my best friend, has been in a car accident. Hit from behind whilst waiting on a slip road to enter the M4. I was completely shocked. My world was shaken. If anything happens to that guy my world will fall apart. My initial text said that he’d cracked some ribs, fractured a jaw and needed reconstructive surgery on his nose. As I walked downstairs and told the manager and owner, I couldn’t hold it in and started crying. The manager gave me some ‘first aid’ flower essence and that seemed to make me feel all nice and tingly in my head but I didn’t want to feel nice. Every time I thought and or spoke about it I cried.
Day 3 Prover 1
One thing I did notice earlier, whilst with F*** and F*** was the defensive-protective mentality of the people drinking in the bar. Men literally wear suits of armour. People clutch desperately to pint glasses, held firmly in place over the solar plexus. Some cannot open up to a direct exchange of energy and orient themselves side-on, whilst others hold securely onto bars, tables and chairs with one hand. In fact, as I was walking (wading) my way to the bar, one guy coming the other way said ‘Oh, excuse me’ and put his arm on my elbow, kind of holding me out of the way. I mean, Get your hand off me!
Day 10
Seems to me like the recurring dream theme is escape. Escape from people either trying to kill me or sexually exploit me. It’s not unusual for me to have graphic dreams of murder + sex, but never this frequently. The feeling of these dreams has been violation…..of me. Or an attempt to violate me.

Day 9 Prover 3
Been dreading the visit to the dentist (I have to have a filling). This appointment was horrible. I had a filling done and I feel traumatised. A combination of bad bedside manner (not telling me what he was doing or about to do) and the rubber stretched over my mouth and the feeling of powerlessness made my heart race and made me really angry.
Had a go at a guy who was walking his dog after the dentist appointment. The guy let his dog shit on a field and didn’t pick it up. He didn’t seem to see a problem. I was incensed- I find people’s lack of respect of public space disgusting. I vented my anger about the dentist on the dogwalker didn’t make me feel any better really. I find it difficult to let go of my anger.
Day 9 Prover 4
Gone over the field to lock up the geese. Some bloke is letting his dog shit in the field. When P tries to challenge him he tries to brush her off because she is angry. When I get there it changes, I’m bigger, younger & have a stronger presence than him & I explain that what he is doing is disrespectful to the person who owns the field.

Anxious

Day 11 Prover 1
I was absolutely spinning out this morning. Anxious. Feeling guilty about not going outside, staying in my room but too afraid to go outside at the same time. Vicious circle.

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